For the soul, which is all ready to leave the mortal body and soar towards eternity; which is all set to be one with the infinity, it is not enough that it itself unfastens from the shackles of earthly bondages....
The ones who have been family, friend and relative to the body, with whom the stage of the drama called life was set up, have also to let go off this soul.
And not from the pages of religious texts, not from the voices of Guru that I have learnt it. My realisation occurred, when I was sitting by the bed of my father, who had been hospitalized in the medical college in Ranchi, following a severe brain hemorrhage and coma. My brother accompanied me throughout that night, taking turns to sleep on the floor on a thin bed-sheet. Neuro-surgical departments do not have any preferential ICU, since all the cases are critical. So there were about ten patients in that room, all in serious condition.
My brother would go out for some time, to have a stroll and at times he had to rush to the medicine counter to fetch some medicines to be added to the intra-venous drip. We had forced mother to go home and have some rest since she had stayed during the entire previous night and day, before we siblings could fly to Ranchi.
During that one night, sitting near my father, I had nothing else to do except watch all the other patients. There were newborns who awaited brain surgery, there was a patient, seemingly awake with no sense at all; his wife reported that he was there since past four months and their children had returned to their respective work places.
I did not know if my father was fighting for life or was trying to break away from the shackles of life. His breath was so loud and seemingly difficult yet he seemed totally unaware of the pain. The nurse would check the oxygen and drip frequently. I could not explain to myself whether he was unconscious or was under coma; I did not understand why he took so much time to come back to consciousness. I urged him to wake up but he did not hear anything. Once I had this idea too, that when he comes back, I will ask him to narrate his experience of the coma!
The nurse stayed awake overnight to monitor my father. Today I have a great regard for this noble profession of nursing. This nurse, knowing that her patient would not anyway survive, could have been relaxed; but no, she was so vigilant. Just like a soldier guarding her post, she guarded through the last night of my father. The unknown nurse, whose name I do not even know, carried on her responsibilities unfalteringly. How thankful I am to her today!
That was the single night, in my entire life that past or future did not, for once, matter to me. I had no worries, no thoughts except that I was living the hours, one by one. For the first time in life, that night, I experienced the clock striking 2,3,4, and so on....! That night rendered to me the life’s biggest lesson of living for the moment.
Next morning, during the visit of the doctor, it was confirmed that no medicine or surgery could help. While our world was all set to be shattered, the doctor was explaining the academics of my father’s condition to his young aspiring interns.
Before taking the flight to Ranchi, I had actually mentally planned my actions, in case father would continue to be in coma for long. After all, no one can say for sure, how long a coma can last. He had been suffering from diabetes and some kidney problems too and earlier that year I had been talking to my brother about the substantial saving we need to do in case we need to start dialysis, in future. We know, once dialysis starts, no one can have an account of the time and money.
All these thoughts did not occur that night. The night turned to dawn and then sunlight poured through the bright room. We siblings cleaned and powdered dad. After the arrival of my mother and some other neighbors, we were to return home when a friend asked my brother to stay back....I do not know whether it was destiny’s queer arrangement or just a practical plan.
That morning I had no clue as to what my prayer should be! Whether I should pray for my dad’s revival from coma, which would bring in other doubts regarding ability of the entire physical and mental faculty or whether I should pray for the emancipation of the soul! So I did not engage in any further analysis. I only could surrender to the will of the Almighty.
Back home, I had a good sleep after the meal and around sometime at three in the afternoon, I woke up with a very uncomfortable feeling only to doze off again after few seconds. But after few minutes or so, my sister-in-law woke me up to say that I had to rush to the hospital. I knew it. The finality was written all over her face. I asked her, “It’s finished?” almost knowing her answer. She nodded her head in affirmation.
So Baba was gone. In other words, the soul within the body whom we called Baba, had liberated itself to be one with the eternal whole from which it had come. We, the family had to let him go; neither our money, our savings, the insurances nor our positions and power could allure the soul to stay back. We had to let him go, we could not stop his journey, we knew no place where we could hide him from the all-permeating vision of providence, the way we, as children, would hide chocolates from father.
From that very moment onwards, no enemy, no friend, no passion, no hatred could bind the soul. The soul was a part of the one unending, perpetual, ever-lasting stream of light that has always been there and always will be.....
I and all others will be one with it one day!
This is the only reality I know of now; nothing else is, neither our earthly possession, nor our passion or hatred, nor achievements and triumphs...
Gatey, Gatey, Paragatey, Para Sam gatey
Bodhi svaha! Bodhi svaha!Bodhi svaha!
Gone, Gone, gone across to the other shore,
Gone utterly beyond..
Oh! What an awakening...
(The Heart Sutra)
