Pumpkin eater___________________Uncle Peter !

Peter, Peter

Pumpkin eater

Had a wife and could’n keep her

So he kept her in a pumpkin shell

And there he kept her very well…

And he remained in the shell too and loved it.  Uncle Peter thought social interaction was a complete wastage of time.  After all, life is too short to look at others when the self is so over-looming!

We were (un)fortunate enough to be his neighbor.  We cannot choose our parents.  Alright.  Uncle Peter also proved it that we (many a times) cannot choose our neighbours too.  Okay. His thoughts may have been similar to ours, as far as choosing ones neighbor is considered.

Uncle Peter was often seen riding a Hercules bicycle, wearing a simple slipper, a strap of which had given way and examining fish against the day light in the morning market.  He preferred painting the town red (!?) on his bicycle although he proudly owned an old, elegant, stylish BRAND Ambassador.

Uncle Peter did not believe in those curves of the mouth called SMILE.  He rather placed his faith on the curves of upper part of his face, like the eye-brows and fore head.  He was often spotted with those, highlighted by thick hair, painted black, abundantly with some dye.

We youngsters were the reason behind much of his irritation.  He either thought that we took too long to grow up or he was too jealous of our age.  His anger was manifested by his frequent sermons on his life which would end with the wisdom, “Work to talk”.  As if we were a bunch of lazy bones, bent on ruining our own and the nation’s future!

He had special dislike for me.  My fault no 1. I was a non-resident Bengali who was….fault no 2. also convent educated.  According to him the convent educated non resident Bengali girls always wore an ‘ATTITUDE’.

He had dislike for every living thing walking on hind legs, actually.  We often found his wife absent for months together; apparently she often went to her parents’ place searching for some retreat.  Anyone with XY chromosome would face his wrath when they posed the question, “How is Mrs Peter? We have not seen her since long”.  His single pointed answer would be, “Why are YOU so concerned?”  That’s how the older XY chromosome bearers stopped asking about their wellbeing and that’s how younger ones took to frequently throwing the same question at him, for some fun.

Uncle Peter had hired a Security person, Ghosh, to guard his ‘Pumpkin Shell’.  The person was, as we had heard it, fired from the military when he showed much timidity, refusing to go for some tough relief works.  The Security Person happily accepted his new job.  He had only one small problem; he could not hear well.  So, whenever our Uncle Peter rung the calling bell on his study table, summoning him, Ghosh continued keeping his guard outside, beaming happily on his chair and musing! Uncle Peter had to often storm out and rebuke Ghosh to which he with equal élan would admit that he thought it was a bicycle outside.  Many a times, when Uncle Peter was engrossed in his work, Ghosh would rush in to enquire if he had rung the calling bell.  Uncle Peter had to explain that it was ACTUALLY a bicycle outside this time.

I once got caught with my insufficient knowledge.  Uncle Peter once asked me if I had an email id.  That was the time when the E-mail era was just stepping into our lives.  He asked, “Where did you open your account?”  I said, “AT Yahoo.com, Uncle”.  Uncle Peter was angered once again at the lack of coherence exhibited by the Non Resident Bengali Convent Read girl.  He vehemently clarified, “I wanted to know in which Internet Café you opened an account?” J J J  I was too meek to reply anything that would displease him.  So I quickly replied, “Oh—K. In the café near my house, the Connection Next Café” And took an eternal flight from the place.

Later, I heard that Charlie, a young(prank)ster enlightened Uncle Peter by informing that he needs to submit his PAN card photocopy, Bank Account statement, Age proof and Marriage Certificate in the nearest Bank branch to open an Account in the neighborhood Internet Café.  (Charlie’s funeral will, sooner or later happen!)

Moron marooned Uncle Peter once asked me to type his CV.  His was a 6-pages CV which included saga of even the one day workshops he had attended, during his 35 years of professional life.  I offered some professionalism by suggesting that a CV should not be more than a page or a two.  To which he replied, “You prepare a one page CV for yourself. I have EXPERIENCE.”  Needless to say, I let the 6-pager make its way to some organisation.

Uncle Peter was a man of formats, formulas and time frame.  Once he asked us to join his family for a prayer service.  We wonder what made him do that, knowing how much he loved us.  He fixed the itinerary.

Well, I have not met Uncle Peter since then.  We had to move out of the city and never saw him after that.  Before moving out, I met him to inform about my matrimony fixed with a person living at the other side of the country.  He replied, “Well…wrong choice.”  Well, I really had no much expectation from Uncle Peter.

However, the incidences are the ones which make us laugh and many of us old neighbours share, whenever we meet.  Uncle Peter, as we heard, is still enjoying his Pumpkin Shell and Aunt still peeps out at times for some breath of fresh air.  The 3G Generation continues asking about her wellbeing and gets the similar answers..…

Some people and some things never change..

Long live Uncle Peter….

Anindita Baidya

4 July 2013

Photo: from Internet